Suzanne Belcourt's Marshmallow Girl - Index
April 26th, 2007
Piano Concerto no. 5 in F Minor - I hope my disease goes away soon. I was told that sometimes if your illness hits you in your twenties, it will go away when you are in your fourties. But by then I’ll probably start going through menopause. Read Entry here >>>
March 5th, 2007
I don’t get it. Try as I might I always end up at the end of a conversation with the tables turned. The tables turned as I have somehow managed to have a conversation end up about me. I am no Paris Hilton. At least I try hard not to read anything about her, and in reality think that the media is just a bit crazy to care so much about her considering she can only pose for the cameras and that is her single talent. But somehow—without the fame, money and connections—I manage to be just like her. In the only sense that I seem to want everyone I talk to, well, to talk about me. Read Entry here >>>
January 15th, 2007
The wind was blowing so hard I was sure that I was going to be impaled with a broken tree branch. It can happen. I read about this same thing in the news. Well, I didn’t really read about it, I watched a newscaster on TV tell the story to me. This thought came about as I was walking past a funeral home coming home from the gym. Read Entry here >>>
December 15th, 2006
I remember one Christmas year when we were little kids that my dad figured that we had more money to spare. So he picked out a family through a charity organization and we bought this family Christmas presents and a turkey. We went shopping for the kids buying them presents. I think that there were two little kids in this family. I remember it being fun, picking out presents for another little kid who had nothing. Fun until I realized how destitute they really were. Read Entry here >>>
September 21, 2006
Recently, I went to the local Mac’s Milk to buy, appropriately enough, milk. As well as milk, I needed some garbage bag tags for the following day, so I asked for five-dollars cash back from the cashier. (You have to purchase garbage tags with cash.) Meanwhile, while I was at the counter, a lady (and I am being diplomatic here) who was waiting in line behind me became impatient ... Read Entry here >>>
July 19th, 2006
Dreamin' ... When I was young I dreamt of becoming a nun. I guess I just landed in another type of institution.
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July 5th, 2006
Oops!…I Did It Again - I think I might speak out loud rather than just think things in my head. At the grocery store, as I look on longingly at a nicely packaged product, I question, “I wonder what this would taste like?” (I’m not 100% sure, but whenever I say something I think is in my head, someone who is standing next to me stops putting something into their cart, and looks up at me.) I think it would be weird to ask such a question out loud, especially if I was looking at a tin of cat food. Read Entry here >>>
May 22nd, 2006
Say what you want, with all of the recent hash of crushes I’ve had lately you’d either think that I’m still a teenager, or a girl just coming of age, or old and partially senile. You would never think that I am a woman in her late thirties.
The thing is, I really don’t know how to flirt. I’ve never been good at parties—chatting up guys—even when I was young and schizophrenia-free.
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March 30th, 2006
Somewhere Else: I recently flew to Vancouver to see my dad accept an award. It brought back fond memories of the time I used to live in Vancouver during the 1986 Expo: I was a teenager living with my Grandmother and I worked in a McDonald’s “restaurant”. Read Entry here >>>
April 25th, 2006
Run, Baby, Run: I have a new crush on someone. I bet if I told him that I have schizophrenia all bets are off. It’s best to tell someone at the outset though, just in case you’re on a first date and your eyes glaze over at some point in the evening—it is just too much information to process and it’s not because you’re not interested. Or when he tells a joke and you don’t laugh; it’s not because he’s not funny, it’s because you just had a little too much medication the night before.
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February 20th, 2006
The Second Coming ... I Mean Column: I started to develop schizophrenia at the age of twenty-five. I had my first nervous breakdown in December, and was admitted into the mental institution on the exact date of January 1st, 1993. But don’t hold me to that—my mind goes a little blank when it comes to periods of time. (And no, I didn’t have electric shock therapy, in case you were curious.) I do, however, know it was January 1st of some year. I don’t think I made any New Year’s resolutions that year, except that the idea of being Jesus Christ reborn sounded good to me once I was admitted. Read Entry here >>>
January 20th, 2006
See What Tomorrow Brings: I have to see the doctor today; I dread seeing the doctor. Luckily it only takes me twenty minutes to walk to his office. I really only see him to get my prescription written; otherwise I have no use for him. As I am sure he has no use for me either, other than someone whom he writes prescriptions to. I really think that during each session as he jots down notes in his book, he is just scribbling my name over and over to make sure that he doesn’t mess up his next line: “So Suzanne, how do you feel about that?”
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 Suzanne Belcourt
Suzi Clare Belcourt lives in Picton, Ontario, located twenty minutes by car from Sandbanks Provincial Park. She doesn’t drive, however, so she relies on friends and family to drive her there in the summer. Otherwise, she stays in her apartment, with her three cats—designs when she can, writes when she can. And, oh yeah, she has schizophrenia.
Email her at suzanne@thebreath.com
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